Dear John, Georgia, Zachary, Garrett, and Eliza,
I hope that you have been enjoying your vacation. Mimi has been giving me a day by day summary of all of the things that you have been doing. I still don’t understand why you decided to go on a cruise mostly because you knew I couldn’t go. For months you debated different vacation destinations and quite frankly, I would have loved any one of the other ideas – – just not a cruise. I guess I wasn’t important enough to you.
While you’ve been gone I have been holding down the fort. Mimi and I have been taking care of each other. The Mumm kids have been coming over to swim every day. It’s pure chaos. You would be so annoyed because they keep coming into the house all wet. I’ve been trying to keep them outside, but haven’t had much success. Being home without you all is quite lonely, so as frustrating as it might seem, I do love when they are here.
This afternoon Mimi assumed that I was taking a nap, but I was really listening to her having a conversation on the phone. I still don’t know who she was talking to, but she was so upset. I was overhearing her share her version of what happened this morning. I could tell that she was doing her best not to cry but before she hung up the phone, she was sobbing.
I tried telling her that he was sick.
I tried telling her that every time he had a seizure, it took him a week to recover.
I tried telling her that it was so scary for me to have to watch his body tremble out of control and not be able to do anything to help him.
I tried telling her that it wasn’t her fault and that everything would be okay.
I know she was listening, but she didn’t hear me.
So now the two of us are just waiting for you all to come home. We can’t eat, we can’t sleep, we can’t stop crying. We have no idea what we are going to say to you. How will you even understand? Will you forgive us?
I decided to write you this letter, hoping that it will give you some time to process what has happened. I’m glad that you all took your time to say your goodbyes before you went away because when you come home things are going to be very different. While you were away, your brother had a round of seizures. The first two were not unusual. Sure they lasted a long time, but he came out of them like he always does. This morning though he had another seizure. His body wouldn’t stop shaking. His arms and legs were flailing and I saw his eyes roll to the back of his head. I knew this one was big because he was making sounds; sounds that I had never heard him make. Mimi tried talking him through it, but her words weren’t helping. Her words weren’t making him stop. I had to leave the room; I couldn’t watch him in such distress. Mimi called Auntie Jen and Uncle Craig to help, but it was too late.
I was counting the days for you to all come home and now I am dreading your return. What will I say to you? What will I do? The house is incredibly quiet now; the silence hurts my heart. I’m so so sorry Cosmo died. I’m sorry you all lost your best friend. I know that another dog would never be the same, but may be some day you will open your heart to rescue another one and give that dog a second chance; just like you did for me and Cosmo.